“We
Don’s Say Those Words In Class”
A time when I witnessed, reprimanded,
or silenced a child after he or she pointed out someone they saw as
different. This occurred when my sons
were five and seven years old. My
youngest son was fascinated by dinosaurs and his greatest wish was to see
dinosaur bones so we scheduled a trip to the Smithsonian Institution National
Museum of Natural History and this trip turned out to be educational in more
ways than one.
As we were visiting all the tourist
areas on the National Mall we stopped at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. While there the boys saw a man in a
wheelchair and my youngest son said, “Look Mommy at the man in the wheelchair.”
According to Derman-Sparks and Edwards (2010) “Most adults have had little
experience talking about difference and bias with children. You may freeze or feel unsure about what to
say” (p. 32). I was afraid the man
overheard the comment and I gave my son a look that spoke volumes and shook my
head as if to be silent. I was also
afraid of how the man’s reaction would be to my son staring at him and his
comments.
As we stopped and read some of the
names and looked at some of the gifts left I talked to my sons about the Wall
and what it stood for. I wanted them to
understand the price of freedom and the Memorial was to honor the men and women
that served and sacrificed for our nation.
I wanted my sons to appreciate that their father had served in Vietnam
and we were so blessed that he returned home, but many gave the ultimate
sacrifice with their lives and these were their names written on the wall—over
58,000. It was so emotionally touching I
cried at the loss of these brave young soldiers. The man seemed to be going at about the same
pace as us and after we moved away from the man I told my sons it was impolite
to point and draw attention to his disability and being in a wheelchair.
Our last scheduled stop was the
Washington Monument and we were in the top and there was the man in the
wheelchair also looking at the view. I
was taking turns holding my sons up so they could get a better view out the
window. He invited them to stand on his
wheelchair to make them taller to look out.
I thanked him and we began to talk.
I mentioned seeing him at the Vietnam Memorial and he told us he had
served in Vietnam and that he was injured.
He said that he had overheard our conversation about their father
serving in Vietnam. Meanwhile, the boys
are so excited about the view and being up so high they are climbing all over
the wheelchair and he was laughing and pointing out things to them.
I told him that their father was
unable to accompany us on our trip as he had work obligations and we wanted our
sons to especially see the Wall. The man
had watched us reach out and touch the name of my husband’s friend that had
died in Vietnam and someone I knew from our hometown and making the imprint of
the supreme sacrifice. We talked about
it and what a deeply emotional experience.
I looked at him—truly looked at him what a handsome face. Why had I not noticed him before as a special
unique individual was it because of his wheelchair? That was a pivotal moment in my life in regard
to differences. When it was time to leave
after just a very short time we felt so connected to him so the boys and I
thanked him for his sacrifice for all of us.
We sincerely did not want to say good-bye and that is the experience we
remember most after all these years—the special man at the Washington Monument.
The message which may have been
communicated to my sons by my response is that it is a subject to be avoided as
they are is something wrong with that person.
If we avoid discussing differences with our children, we may in fact be strengthening
prejudices that we do not want our children to assimilate. Our children are “barraged by images and
ideas we don't control-on the playground, on television, and in school….even
very young children, can absorb the biases they encounter outside of our homes”
(The Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights, 2013, para. 4). It is important to realize that experiences
and ideas that young children are exposed to shape their values, beliefs,
attitudes, and behaviors.
As an anti-bias educator and mother
I can respond to a child’s desire to know more and actively work to have a
positive influence on their beliefs and “use these moments: pay attention, ask
questions, listen carefully, and then respond as appropriate to the child and
the situation” (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010, p. 32). In listening and addressing questions young
children may have about diversity we are beginning a dialogue that will
continue as they grow and develop greater understanding. “The United States is already one of the most
diverse societies in the world. Our children
will inherit an even more diverse society” (The Leadership Conference on Civil
and Human Rights, 2013, para. 4). As
such it is vital to talk openly to children about differences and help them to
understand prejudice and bigotry as it is still an unfortunate part of our
society and hopefully our children will the generation to end it.
References
Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards,
J. O. (2010). Anti-bias education for
young children and ourselves.
Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
The Leadership Conference on Civil
and Human Rights. (2013). Talking to our
children about racism &
diversity. Retrieved from http://www.civilrights.org/publications/reports/talking_to_our_children/
